Why Do I do this to myself?

My life has been topsy turvy up of late. Husband was in another city so got a transfer to a new job to be in same city as him, packed all our stuff, stored in shed, moved cities, (2011) only to find out husband doesn't want to save marriage, so if his separation date was to be followed, 8 months into the marriage, it all fell apart. 2012. Valentines day 2012 sucked, since our real separation date (being the date he moved out) was Feb 11 2012. But in hindsight, it probably was the best thing that happened to me. 9 months later, I found another man, or rather he found me. I am still with him until now and because of past hurts, I am suffering from insecurities I can't control. Why Do I Do This to Myself? They say that you should only find love when you are ready, not when you are lonely. I was not lonely when I met Paul. I was happiest that I have ever been in fact. I was loving my new lease in life, being single gives you a different perspective in life. I can actually enjoy myself and not worry so much about the other half. Brent (the ex) was such hard work. I suffered migraines, I looked so sickly and old. Being single, I learned how to laugh again. And laugh with every fiber of my being. There was joy in the world again. And possibilities. I can breathe, and I realised that the sky was the limit. I began getting comments, how young I looked compared to before, my migraines disappeared, my friends and family were my rock. But I never touched love. My family was getting worried because I locked myself in my room during weekends. I wasn't depressed, I was just happy to enjoy my own company. They don't like to see me alone I guess. LoL. I am not meant to be alone, I have so much love to give, my sister said. I have to love myself before I can love another. And to do that, I have to forgive myself for the decisions I took. Ending my marriage took a lot out of me. Brent and I have given it a go and another go and then another go, but the problems are always there, always repeating, never resolved. I finally realised that its not me, I can change however which way but as problems go in a marriage, its always two ways. And he is not interested in change. Or progress. His decisions have always been stop gap ones, band aid solutions that doesn't go anywhere, the wound is still there. And I finally realised that some people despite loving each other so much, are not meant to be together. He is happy now with someone else. I am happy for him, sad a little bit that it can't be me but in the end, if the person you love is happy, it really doesnt matter who they end up does it? So me? Well it took a while to heal. And to reconnect again. Maybe because I invested so much into the first that I can't be bothered with the next. I am still debating about that. Paul is amazing. I dare say almost perfect except that he is a Leo which means that he is 1/always right 2/roars out load 3/bossy 4/arrogant 5/may be a little conceited (but I find that sexy in him). He is also charming, loving, generous, and he doesnt let me get my own way. In other words, he is a man - and a protective one at that. I never felt so much a woman than when I am in his arms. And did I mention he is gorgeous? I have no idea how I could attract such a great package. They say like minded people will always come together, they also say that opposites attract. I feel lucky that I have him in my life. He is such a great ego boost. But because of that and because of his charming ways, I am riddled with insecurity. Why do I do this to myself?